We got hitched! That is: Lise Elli Kreps and Elisabeth June
Kushner (Els,
to her post-high-school friends) were legally married on Saturday,
August
30, 2003, right near the beach on English Bay in Stanley Park
in Vancouver, BC.
Here are some of the things
you might be wondering:
*Didn't you two get married already?
Yes and no. We did have a big
wedding exactly 5 years earlier (8/30/98),
with 100 of our closest friends and relations, a chuppah [wedding
canopy],
a 45-minute ceremony that we wrote and conducted ourselves, written
invitations, catering, singing, dancing, big dresses, many lovely
presents, etc. It was a blast, and extremely meaningful to us.
But
legally, it meant zilch.
*What do you mean, legally? Isn't same-sex marriage legal
already/how come
it's legal in Vancouver?
Same-sex marriage is not legally recognized in any part of
the United
States; in fact, some state and federal laws specifically define
marriage
as a union between a man and a woman, just to make sure. (Vermont
does
allow civil unions of same-sex couples, but that's not the same
as
marriage--it's an important step but it's still pretty much "separate
but
equal.")
In Canada, though, it's a different story. The Canadian high
court
recently ruled that constitutionally, the provinces must give
same-sex
couples the right to marry. Two provinces, Ontario and British
Columbia
(that's where Vancouver is), made same-sex marriage legal immediately.
So,
last Saturday at about 6: 15 PM Pacific Time, we became legally
married
spouses in Canada. The U.S. government doesn't recognize our legal
union,
or those of any of the other same-sex couples whove been heading
north of
the border to get married (though heterosexual couples who get
married in
Canada automatically have their marriage recognized in the States).
But
there are bound to be some interesting test cases in the near
future.
*Enough with the politics, already--how was the wedding?
It was short and sweet. Lynda Hepworth, a licensed Marriage
Commissioner
(like a Justice of the Peace), officiated. It was a beautiful,
warm
evening. We found a nice grassy spot near the beach at English
Bay, under
a tree and sufficiently far from speeding cars, bicyclists, and
rollerbladers. The ceremony itself took about 10 minutes; we mostly
used
the standard British Columbia wedding ceremony text, and incorporated
the
ring vows that we made at our big wedding 5 years ago. We exchanged
rings
again--the same ones we used last time. Lynda read most of it,
and
prompted us so we didn't have to read or memorize anything. Then
she
pronounced us a legally married couple, and we kissed. Then we
and our two
witnesses (Ron and Pat) signed the license. The whole thing was
surprisingly moving.
We should be getting our official marriage certificate in the
mail soon.
Lise will be putting the whole ceremony text on her web site within
a few
weeks, along with pictures.
Afterwards, we went with our few guests to the restaurant at
the Sylvia
Hotel up the street, where we had a lovely dinner with Veuve Cliquot
champagne (thank you Nathan), Sarah and Brennan played happily
under the
table, and Els finally got to have chocolate cake at her wedding
reception.
*Who was there?
Els, Lise, and Sarah; Els's father and stepmother, Ron and
Pat, who were
in town for Sarah's birthday; Lise's best friend from high school,
Raymond, and his partner, Luc, who live in Vancouver; Lise's cousin
Nathan, his wife Leslie, and their 4-year-old son Brennan, who
also live
in Vancouver (Raymond and Nathan were Lise's chuppah-bearers at
our last
wedding).
*Why wasn't I invited/why didn't you tell me?
It was a deep dark secret: we only told our parents and the
New York
Times, and the few people we mentioned above. We didn't invite
or tell
anyone else ahead of time because we already had a big wedding
party, and
we didn't want anyone to a) feel they had to schlep up to Vancouver
to see
another one, or b) feel left out because we werent asking them
to schlep
up to Vancouver.
Our first wedding really was a celebration of community, and
we wanted all
our friends and family to be there; this one was largely--though
not
entirely--a formality and a political statement, and we decided
to keep it
very, very small. We brought our big picture of all our wedding
guests on
the beach, so you didn't know it but you were all there in spirit.
*What did you wear?
Knee-length sundresses that we bought on sale a few weeks ago.
Els's is a
pink flowered number that makes her look like a matron at a 60s
cocktail
party. She loves it. Lise's is this understated green thing. She
loves it
too. We wore our regular sandals--we meant to take them off and
get
married barefoot but we forgot. We carried white and purple bouquets
that
Raymond gave us.
*What did Sarah do?
Sarah was the flower girl and threw rose petals with a force
and intensity
that presage a great future in Major League pitching. Raymond
valiantly
took on childcare and held onto her during the ceremony, though
she could
occasionally be heard to stage-whisper "When is that lady
going to stop
talking?"
*Why did you put an announcement in the New York Times?
We thought it would be a kick to make history. This Sunday
was the first
time ever (unless we missed something) that the marriage--not
partnership
celebration, not commitment ceremony, but marriage--of two women
was
announced in the New York Times wedding pages. And it was us!
And two
other women who got married at a B & B in Ontario yesterday.
Some men have
had their Canadian marriages announced in the Times this summer,
but there
weren't any other women before now. Or other same-sex marriages
in
Vancouver, for that matter.
Well, it's not exactly a cure for cancer, but it's something.
Plus, Els
has the same deep childhood affinity for the New York Times that
Lise has
for the beach in Vancouver; she devours the wedding pages every
week and
couldnt resist giving it a shot.
Our announcement got into the Sunday, August 31, 2003, paper,
back page of the Style section. Third column to the right, above
the fold.
*Is Els's dad really named Rob Kushner?
No. His full name is Ronald Kushner. Els told the Times guy
that he
prefers to be called Ron, and it got messed up somehow. Also,
Lise
went to Catholic University of America, not American University.
So, you can't believe everything you read. Everything else is
correct, though.
*How come Sarah isn't mentioned in the announcement?
We dont know; Els mentioned Sarah when she wrote to them, and
the Times
guy who called asked how we both came to be her parents, etc.
Our best
guess is that they never mention any children of the wedding couple
as a
matter of policy; who knows why.
*I dont get the New York Times/I threw mine out because
I have way too
much paper in my house already, but now I'm curious and want to
see the
announcement. Is it too late?
No--you can read it online through the wonders of modern technology!
Here's the link:
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/08/31/fashion/weddings/31KREP.html.
It should work for at least the next week or so. You have to
sign up for a
free online subscription to the Times. If you can't, or you don't
want to,
let us know and we'll send you a copy (we can also e-mail the
version Els
sent them, which they didn't use, since they understandably wanted
to
write it themselves).
*This is too much information! Where will it all end?
Here.
And if there's even more you want to know, call or e-mail us;
we'd be
thrilled to talk about it till the cows come home and our friends
run
screaming from the room. We're very happy. We love you all.
Lise & Els